To me, it seems "shame" is holding the opinions of someone else extremely highly, enough to modify your behavior.
Yes, I imagine it is comparing yourself to a standard (set by another person or society) and feeling obligated to meet that standard, shame is the emotion associated with when you fail to meet that standard.
What baffles me is transitive shame. Why should, for example a parent, feel shame if their child fails to live up to some standard? Is the child responsible for the parent's shame? Or perhaps that parent should make it clear to their child that they are proud of them, no matter what they do.
I agree that there are younger people who are much more mature than others. Sounds like you are with one of those, and I'm just a tiny bit jealous (another one of those emotions we need to keep an eye on).
I didn't even think about how "privacy" is no longer private in a world where everyone is walking around with a camera/video recorder. It truly is sad when some think they are entitled to be involved in everyone else's business. And heaven help anyone who tries to stop anther from invading their personal space. There are some who distort the 1st Amendment to suit their desire to snoop.
Not currently, but the past ten years of photography has led to a lot of time with a lot of young women (six of the past ten years with a two of them living with me - at separate times!). Some will shock you with how mature they appear to be. When you get to know them, you discover it's a lot more complex. They can be mature in some ways, but lacking maturity in others. I balance that with observing people over sixty years old that also display aspects of immaturity often!
A huge number of people choose not to be private and post all kinds of details of their lives online. The never ending quest for validation via a dopamine hit from another "like".
Beyond that though, our homes are now filled with cameras and microphones. Technology allows for "seeing" right through walls. Flock cameras track our movements. Cell phones track our movements and infinitely more. Consider that the location of your cell phone can be associated with the location of other cell phones. Are you ever truly alone now?
Some of us use VPNs, barely use cell phones, use Faraday bags, a decent amount of computer security but all of those measures only add up to a small amount of privacy.
Of course the next step up from cellphones are the "Meta" glasses constantly filming and recording everything in front of the person wearing them. No doubt many people wearing them will soon forget they are recording everyone! Bring those into the bedroom and OOPS. There are also plenty of reports of the video of Tesla owners engaging in intimate behavior in or near their car... while the car watches and records.
Just now I was watching a show on Amazon Prime. I clicked the button on my remote. Came down to my computer and found an email saying "here is the information you requested". Huh what? I didn't request any information! (well I didn't mean to anyway)
Instagram thoroughly *KNOWS* that I love healthy chocolate. It's extremely persistent in trying to sell me every brand of chocolate that is remotely associated with being "healthy".
Sometimes advances in technology that are supposed to make life "better" for everyone AREN'T!
I can't count the number of times over the last 25+ years I have thought about unplugging and going off the grid! People are way too involved in other people's business. Of course, as you pointed out, some people have nobody to blame but themselves for all the "private" info they post on social media.
As my grandfather always said to me, age doesn't make someone wise. There are plenty of OLD people who never mature past age 12. Grandaddy also said people should "act your age, not your shoe size."
Technology is full of pros and cons. I'd never want to abolish technology. But I'd love to see companies offer privacy oriented products. Instead of Alexa or Google Home, let's have an affordable whole home music system that isn't connected to the Internet. Perhaps we bring back "lead paint" for our walls {laugh}. Design homes with ethernet wiring (or fiber optic) rather than pushing everyone to the convenience of wireless?
We could advocate minding our own business, but I'd start with the government. That's the intrusion into my private life that I hate! We are getting a bit off topic here as my post was about how we handle and take responsibility for our own emotions: specifically shame.
If someone else (a family member) is ashamed of us, is that our problem? Shouldn't we contemplate this and come to realize that it is their problem?
"act your age" is a terrible phrase because I wouldn't want to act like a lot of people who are fifty, sixty, seventy. Also why should certain behaviors be restricted to only the young or only to the old?
I believe Grandaddy was trying to encourage us to behave with a level of maturity that some don't seem able to muster. Then again, I was always told I was born 50 years old. I was an "old man in a kids body" from the time I came into this world.
I'm not so sure I agree with the lead paint idea. LOL But I do agree that not ALL tech is bad. If it weren't for the advancements made with medical technology I wouldn't be able to control my blood sugars anywhere near as well as I do. There is a good chance I would have been close to, if not completely blind by this point if it hadn't been for getting put on an insulin pump. The newest R&D with insulin pumps and continuous glucose monitors has made my life SOOOO much more livable and have greatly reduced the dangers of additional or worsening complications that go along with long term diabetes.
There I go again getting off topic. Then again. gratitude is an emotion, right?
You made some great points, once again, John. I was taught from an early age is that *I* am the one who controls MY emotions. No one else is responsible for MY reactions to the behavior of others in the world around me.
As for specific issues:
1) My reluctance to use public bathrooms has nothing to do with shame and EVERYTHING to do with SANITATION. You can pick up nastiness from public bathrooms that Ajax can't take off!
2) I too dated a woman who was MUCH younger than myself. The fun and excitement of that situation was short lived due to the chasm of maturity levels. My value system at age 40 was MUCH different from that of a 20 year old college student. (No, I was not a professor, I was her sister's boss).
3) Some, and I include myself in this group, relate shame where public nudity is concerned to ORIGINAL SIN. Adam and Eve were shamed by their disobedience to God's command to not eat of the tree of knowledge and the sought to cover themselves from His view. Public nudity and the shame associated with it does not necessarily exist in private settings. In my own home, with the curtains drawn, I have no problem dancing naked in an empty house, or with someone I am romantically involved with.
I could touch on every point you made but you covered things quite well. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day.
Understanding that you are the one responsible for your own reactions to your own actions is a tough lesson to learn. My guess is that most people work at it for a lifetime!
{laugh} Yes, I far prefer the sanitation of my own bathroom. Public restrooms can be pretty bad!
I'd interject that some young (women) people are very mature. Age is not always a good measure of maturity. But yes, it can be a problem sometimes!
There certainly is a difference between private nudity and public nudity. However one thing most of us haven't grasped yet is that privacy is now an illusion! Our private lives now are under so much surveillance that it's a serious job to try and obtain a little privacy!
I wonder what shame actually is... you know? Does it only come from comparing ourselves to a standard that's held up as a criteria to meet?
To me, it seems "shame" is holding the opinions of someone else extremely highly, enough to modify your behavior.
Yes, I imagine it is comparing yourself to a standard (set by another person or society) and feeling obligated to meet that standard, shame is the emotion associated with when you fail to meet that standard.
What baffles me is transitive shame. Why should, for example a parent, feel shame if their child fails to live up to some standard? Is the child responsible for the parent's shame? Or perhaps that parent should make it clear to their child that they are proud of them, no matter what they do.
I agree that there are younger people who are much more mature than others. Sounds like you are with one of those, and I'm just a tiny bit jealous (another one of those emotions we need to keep an eye on).
I didn't even think about how "privacy" is no longer private in a world where everyone is walking around with a camera/video recorder. It truly is sad when some think they are entitled to be involved in everyone else's business. And heaven help anyone who tries to stop anther from invading their personal space. There are some who distort the 1st Amendment to suit their desire to snoop.
Not currently, but the past ten years of photography has led to a lot of time with a lot of young women (six of the past ten years with a two of them living with me - at separate times!). Some will shock you with how mature they appear to be. When you get to know them, you discover it's a lot more complex. They can be mature in some ways, but lacking maturity in others. I balance that with observing people over sixty years old that also display aspects of immaturity often!
A huge number of people choose not to be private and post all kinds of details of their lives online. The never ending quest for validation via a dopamine hit from another "like".
Beyond that though, our homes are now filled with cameras and microphones. Technology allows for "seeing" right through walls. Flock cameras track our movements. Cell phones track our movements and infinitely more. Consider that the location of your cell phone can be associated with the location of other cell phones. Are you ever truly alone now?
Some of us use VPNs, barely use cell phones, use Faraday bags, a decent amount of computer security but all of those measures only add up to a small amount of privacy.
Of course the next step up from cellphones are the "Meta" glasses constantly filming and recording everything in front of the person wearing them. No doubt many people wearing them will soon forget they are recording everyone! Bring those into the bedroom and OOPS. There are also plenty of reports of the video of Tesla owners engaging in intimate behavior in or near their car... while the car watches and records.
Just now I was watching a show on Amazon Prime. I clicked the button on my remote. Came down to my computer and found an email saying "here is the information you requested". Huh what? I didn't request any information! (well I didn't mean to anyway)
Instagram thoroughly *KNOWS* that I love healthy chocolate. It's extremely persistent in trying to sell me every brand of chocolate that is remotely associated with being "healthy".
Sometimes advances in technology that are supposed to make life "better" for everyone AREN'T!
I can't count the number of times over the last 25+ years I have thought about unplugging and going off the grid! People are way too involved in other people's business. Of course, as you pointed out, some people have nobody to blame but themselves for all the "private" info they post on social media.
As my grandfather always said to me, age doesn't make someone wise. There are plenty of OLD people who never mature past age 12. Grandaddy also said people should "act your age, not your shoe size."
The allure of going "off the grid" is strong!
Technology is full of pros and cons. I'd never want to abolish technology. But I'd love to see companies offer privacy oriented products. Instead of Alexa or Google Home, let's have an affordable whole home music system that isn't connected to the Internet. Perhaps we bring back "lead paint" for our walls {laugh}. Design homes with ethernet wiring (or fiber optic) rather than pushing everyone to the convenience of wireless?
We could advocate minding our own business, but I'd start with the government. That's the intrusion into my private life that I hate! We are getting a bit off topic here as my post was about how we handle and take responsibility for our own emotions: specifically shame.
If someone else (a family member) is ashamed of us, is that our problem? Shouldn't we contemplate this and come to realize that it is their problem?
"act your age" is a terrible phrase because I wouldn't want to act like a lot of people who are fifty, sixty, seventy. Also why should certain behaviors be restricted to only the young or only to the old?
I believe Grandaddy was trying to encourage us to behave with a level of maturity that some don't seem able to muster. Then again, I was always told I was born 50 years old. I was an "old man in a kids body" from the time I came into this world.
I'm not so sure I agree with the lead paint idea. LOL But I do agree that not ALL tech is bad. If it weren't for the advancements made with medical technology I wouldn't be able to control my blood sugars anywhere near as well as I do. There is a good chance I would have been close to, if not completely blind by this point if it hadn't been for getting put on an insulin pump. The newest R&D with insulin pumps and continuous glucose monitors has made my life SOOOO much more livable and have greatly reduced the dangers of additional or worsening complications that go along with long term diabetes.
There I go again getting off topic. Then again. gratitude is an emotion, right?
You made some great points, once again, John. I was taught from an early age is that *I* am the one who controls MY emotions. No one else is responsible for MY reactions to the behavior of others in the world around me.
As for specific issues:
1) My reluctance to use public bathrooms has nothing to do with shame and EVERYTHING to do with SANITATION. You can pick up nastiness from public bathrooms that Ajax can't take off!
2) I too dated a woman who was MUCH younger than myself. The fun and excitement of that situation was short lived due to the chasm of maturity levels. My value system at age 40 was MUCH different from that of a 20 year old college student. (No, I was not a professor, I was her sister's boss).
3) Some, and I include myself in this group, relate shame where public nudity is concerned to ORIGINAL SIN. Adam and Eve were shamed by their disobedience to God's command to not eat of the tree of knowledge and the sought to cover themselves from His view. Public nudity and the shame associated with it does not necessarily exist in private settings. In my own home, with the curtains drawn, I have no problem dancing naked in an empty house, or with someone I am romantically involved with.
I could touch on every point you made but you covered things quite well. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day.
Understanding that you are the one responsible for your own reactions to your own actions is a tough lesson to learn. My guess is that most people work at it for a lifetime!
{laugh} Yes, I far prefer the sanitation of my own bathroom. Public restrooms can be pretty bad!
I'd interject that some young (women) people are very mature. Age is not always a good measure of maturity. But yes, it can be a problem sometimes!
There certainly is a difference between private nudity and public nudity. However one thing most of us haven't grasped yet is that privacy is now an illusion! Our private lives now are under so much surveillance that it's a serious job to try and obtain a little privacy!
Enjoy your day and thanks for commenting!