Shame
A Human Emotion
We humans have a lot of emotions. Love, fear, anxiety, these are some of the big ones we consider a lot. More subtle is shame.
What is shame? Why do we feel shame?
What should we be ashamed of? Nudity? We are born nude. It is a choice to cover ourselves in clothing. Personally, I’m glad we do! Clothing can be comfortable and clothing can be an artistic expression. Unlike tattoos, we can change our clothing easily.
Should we be ashamed of the job we work at? Regardless of what your employment is, shouldn’t you be proud that you actually are employed?
Should we be ashamed of making a bad investment? Seriously? Are you so arrogant that you are 100% sure of the future? Any investment is going to be a risk and there will be a chance you will be wrong.
I’m not an advocate of controlling your emotions. Instead, consider handling your emotions.
If your husband is abusive, or if someone sexually assaults you, should you be ashamed? No, those are not choices you have made. Certainly don’t allow someone else’s actions to cause you shame!
When some idiot on Instagram doesn’t like a comment I made on a financial advice post and tries to shame me with “your account has images of nude women posted”. That doesn’t shame me, I’m proud that I’m able to help women capture and see their own beauty. That is not something to be ashamed of!
When my daughters comment that I shouldn’t be dating a woman younger than them, again that doesn’t shame me. They are adults, living in their own homes, it’s my life to choose whomever I wish to date and live with. I’m not obligated to live according to my daughters standards.
One advantage of being older is that shame has less impact. Sure, it’s not completely gone, sometimes I feel ashamed of something in my life. But I’m usually quick now to realize that feeling ashamed is something I choose and I don’t have to chose that.
Caring about what others think of you is very natural. When someone compliments me on my photography I like that. When someone compliments and appreciates my sharing some of my experience that also makes me feel good about myself.
To reveal a little bit of my imperfections, I’ll admit that I’m ashamed to use the bathroom! This is absurd! We all have to use the bathroom frequently. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Yet, childhood experiences have embedded that so deeply that even at my age, it still impacts my life! I absolutely hate using a public restroom! Perhaps even worse is using the bathroom at a friend’s house! There, not only do strangers get to know that I’m human, but my friends know that I’m human! Oh the shame! Completely irrational!
Something I’ve learned is that everyone has different standards. Living by someone else’s standards is not something I would recommend! It’s impossible to please everyone, so pick the one person that is important to please: yourself!
I wonder what shame actually is... you know? Does it only come from comparing ourselves to a standard that's held up as a criteria to meet?
I agree that there are younger people who are much more mature than others. Sounds like you are with one of those, and I'm just a tiny bit jealous (another one of those emotions we need to keep an eye on).
I didn't even think about how "privacy" is no longer private in a world where everyone is walking around with a camera/video recorder. It truly is sad when some think they are entitled to be involved in everyone else's business. And heaven help anyone who tries to stop anther from invading their personal space. There are some who distort the 1st Amendment to suit their desire to snoop.